How often do you have to brace yourself before logging onto Pinterest and Instagram or before sitting down to watch your favorite show on HGTV? During our chat over coffee, my friend admitted that she does just that – she has to control that urge to want to "re-do her life" from exposure to all that visual eye candy. Her comment resonated with me because I do exactly the same thing, and I bet we're not the only ones. It's so easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself, your work, your home – your life in general – to all of those "perfect" examples bombarding you from every direction on TV and social media. There are days when I'm inspired, yet if I'm honest, most days I am left feeling down right discouraged. There's always someone out there who does things bigger and better.
Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper happens to be that "someone" for me. Her design style, her quaint farm life, laughter-filled marriage, and sweet family is a vision of inspiration. I was thrilled when she and her husband Chip wrote "The Magnolia Story" and I didn't hesitate to run out and get a copy. If there's one thing that I love more than experiencing someone's creations, it's unraveling their journey and secret to success.
As I read their story, I was overcome that even as Joanna's designs started being featured in regional magazines, she admitted to feeling like a FAILURE. Can you imagine? She put so much pressure on herself to always have her home look clean and put together in order to grow her business and to meet others' expectations that it left her feeling exhausted and frustrated.
Joanna shares, "That got me thinking about the pressure we women and moms are all under these days. It seems as if the standards are so much higher than they were just a few years ago, mainly because of what we see whenever we look on the Internet.
It used to require some effort to feel like an inferior mom and wife. A woman would have to go to a newsstand and spend six dollars on a magazine to see the current societal standard of 'What my family and home are supposed to look like.' Now it just shows up on social media everywhere you look, and it always seems to be picture-perfect. That's all anyone seems to post – the perfect pictures of perfect families enjoying perfect moments.
Along with that, I think everyone's expectations of themselves has gotten so much higher. I mean, honestly, as a stay-at-home mom, every time I had a moment to open Facebook or Pinterest I would walk away thinking, I'm not doing enough."
I felt like shouting, "Yes! That's me!!!" I spent years putting off starting my own blog because of comparing myself to those who have gone before me. If you're reading this, you know that I have finally jumped that hurdle. But most days, I still think that "I'm not doing enough."
How can we get past this crippling attitude?
Joanna came to the realization that instead of creating a home and using her gifts as a means of growing a business, her focus should have been on creating a space where she and her family could thrive. This awakening leads me to my favorite chapter in the book titled "Surviving or Thriving."
We all have a choice to make. We can focus on the wrong things by trying to achieve somebody else's idea of what perfection is or we can accept ourselves and live fully in the perfection of who we are and the home and family that we have. Stop obsessing about what others are doing and how they are doing it. Instead, follow Joanna's example and "flip your mental switch from surviving to thriving."
Life is always unpredictable. If you are merely surviving, the next time life throws you a curve ball (and you know it will!) you will drown. Makes sense, right? Joanna's "ah-ha!" moment was the revelation that she had to choose to thrive even through pain and difficult times. She claims that she makes this choice "every moment, on every day, with every decision" and the more focused she is on thriving – "the shorter those 'just surviving' moments seem to last."
I hope these words of encouragement helps you to have your own ah-ha! moment and to live your own perfect life – not anyone else's. Flip your switch and go thrive, my Huckleberries!
Magnolia Fans:
Buy your copy of The Magnolia Story or listen to an audiobook clip of the book.
Catch up with Seasons 1 -3 of Fixer Upper and get ready to watch Season 4 of Fixer Upper beginning in late Fall on Tuesdays 9/8pm CST on HGTV.
Shop Joanna's farmhouse look at Magnolia Market. Below are my own Magnolia finds and how I dipslay them in my home.
